his mouth and declare it "money". But nothin' beats the real deal. Right?
I started by sampling the sides. Potato salad: Eh. Not too much mayo. Fine. Coleslaw: Very good. Machine-shredded but with a nice spicy cabbage bite to it. Green beans: Had 'em before. Fine.
The meats: Smoked turkey, excellent, moist. Brisket: great, nice smoke-ring. Sausage: Fine, Tasty. The sauce was thin and spicy. It tasted of dried chiles and vinegar, brown sugar and a little tomato. Frankly, all of it was delicious.Real good, even. But not the mythic experience I was expecting. As I ate the delicious banana pudding with 'Nilla wafer crust, the conclusion that I came to was that if you put meat in a smoker, it was gonna taste pretty good! Simple as that. But far too much has been made of Texas BBQ over the years for me to be turned away so easily.
I regrouped, reformulated. I did my homework. Consulting the Reader's Poll from the local weekly, I narrowed my candidates. First on my list and theirs was Rudy's. (http://www.rudys.com/)

I had read the reviews and talked with people in line as I waited to order. I wasn't in the mood for the heat on the patio (the only seating available) so I ordered mine to go. After all my research, I was feeling academic so I ordered as closely to my original as I could: brisket, turkey, sausage. At Rudy's, you don't order a plate of food. You order it by the pound. You can get your brisket moist or lean. Someone in line said the brisket was too fatty. I count that as a logical fallacy. Too fatty? What are you talking about? I ordered moist. I needed a full array of sides. I was taking it home, I justified to myself. It will be good leftovers. I ordered the potato salad, the coleslaw, the bbq beans, the creamed corn and the peach cobbler. You could take as much white bread as you wanted. As I chatted with my cashier and meat-handler, I told him the tale of my search. With a knowing look in his eye, he turned to his carving block and handed me a rosy nugget. "A little sample for you. That's our baby-backs." A wink and a nod and he was on to the next customer.
I walked back to my car with nugget in hand. I debated for a moment whether to stash it with the rest of dinner or eat it now. As I started the car, I sampled it. Wow. I mean WOW! Never, I mean, NEVER have I had ribs like that. I don't know why or how... the pepper-crust, the all-oak smoking, some secret marinade? I nibbled and sucked that bone, licking my fingers and gnawing some more. When I arrived home 10 minutes later, that bone was COMPLETELY clean. I had been lost in a meat-eating trance.
Cranking the AC on full and plopping down in front of some NCIS on USA, I started cracking open my haul. Renewing my survey, I started sides first. Potato salad: Eh. Mustardy, very standard. Coleslaw: Hand-chopped but not as good as Fuschak's. BBQ beans: excellent. Creamed corn: What?! Next bite: WHAT?! A quick forensic examination told me this was probably a good frozen corn barely simmered in a buttery bechamel with some salt and a heaping helping of white sugar. The effect: an evocation of my best childhood memory of corn-on-the-cob, only creamier. (For the record, the incident in question was a booth at the South-Eastern Idaho State Fair in Blackfoot, where the corn is picked earlier that day, boiled and dipped in a crockpot-full of melted butter and liberally salted.) Absolutely delicious!
On to the meats. The sausage, good. The turkey, insanely good. The brisket, even better. The sauce was good but I didn't find myself using much of it. I couldn't believe my tastebuds. I began muttering to myself. "This is so good." Chomp, chomp, chomp. "Do you know how good this is?" Sausage, brisket, turkey, brisket. "I can't believe how good this is!" Brisket, corn, turkey, what's this under this little stack? Butt-end of brisket!? Extra smoky?! How could I be so lucky?!? I was overwhelmed. As I dug into the peach cobbler, I felt a huge swell of emotion. My eyes watered and I almost started to cry. I had been blown away. My definitions for what was even possible had been forever altered. Honest to God, I almost started to cry.
Monday morning at work, I tried to explain my recent religious experience. I was by teased for days about my emotional response but no matter. I bear testimony to the truth! But in order to be properly academic about this, I needed a third sample. I began to ask the locals on the other crews if they had had any barbecue that was better than Rudy's. It took some rooting around but I finally got a good lead.
HVAC Dude 1: "Have you tried the Smoke House out on Rigsby and Roland?"
HVAC Dude 2: "WHAT?!? You're sending him out there? He's gonna need a bullet-proof vest in that neighborhood."
HVAC Dude 1: "Yeah. But that barbecue is even better than Rudy's."
Me: "What was that address again?"
Todd and I spent today out and about in San Antonio and when it was time for dinner, we were hungry. Pulling up to the restaurant, I was very pleased to see the letters of the sign had been cut out of plywood and crudely painted. This was a good omen. The neighborhood didn't seem that dodgy but it was still daylight. Walking in, I knew we were in the right place. The service bordered on rude, another good sign. We each got the brisket and pork rib with beans and coleslaw and we split half a chicken. My tea was sweet, his wasn't. The barbecue was fantastic. The chicken was the standout. But it's hard to beat an experience like Rudy's. I don't doubt that on a good day, it's the best. But today, it was merely excellent. We both left very full and very happy. I ordered and paid for a piece of pecan pie but it never made it onto my tray. I didn't miss it until we were on our way home and as anyone who knows anything about my love of pecan pie, that says a lot. This place was the real deal as you can see by the checkered table cloth, the wood paneling, and that expression on Todd's face. Good authentic home cooking full of love. Todd remarked that nothing else seemed to get quite as cold as an iced tea. I'd have to concur... he's a sharp one, that Todd. We both thought a biscuit would be a better side than the ubiquitous white bread. I guess I can understand the white bread on a historic level but on a gastronomic level, it is a big fail. Yeah, I know. I'm a heretic. A heretic who had a religious experience. I met the God of Meat and his name is Rudy.